The IVF Yellow Brick Road

We're off onto the yellow brick road of starting our IVF journey! 

These last few weeks have been full of information, paperwork and labs for both David and I. I've already started my birth control pills to prepare for next tuesday, For my saline sonogram (SHG) to check the lining of my uterus for scarring or polyps. I'm praying I have no scar tissue as I've had a few abdominal surgeries that can cause uterine scarring. I definitely do not want to go through another surgery. I have a lot anxiety about this but I'm trying my best to stay as positive as I can. 

Since Dallas and Sophia had to accompany us to the clinic they naturally were curious of why we were going. We explained to them the best we could that this doctor was going to help put a baby in mommy's belly. We have always been honest in age appropriate terms of new things happening in our lives and they are handling everything very well. 

We decided to do a fresh cycle of IVF instead of a frozen transfer as we aren't doing genetic testing at this time. However we are freezing any remaining embie babies for future use and may decide to PGS test them then. This was a really hard decision for us as we have a history of recurrent miscarriages but felt the risks out weighed the cons for us at this time. 

We have so many emotions but most of all we know we are making the right choice and we have so much hope. I truly believe with love, prayer and a little science we'll be adding our third bundle of joy in 2020. 

Thank you to all our friends and family for being so supportive since we announced that we were taking a leap of faith and trying this IVF thing. The outpouring of love has been amazing and I don't think David or I can say thank you enough! You all mean so much to us. 

Secondary Infertility Guilt

I never thought we would find ourselves in a IVF Clinic. Sitting there in that modern office room with beautiful paintings of little blastocyst's decorating the wall. I felt like an imposter. I kept thinking about how many other couples sat in this same office, in these same chairs who had it worse than we have. I felt selfish for being there because we already have two amazing, smart and beautiful blessings. 

That's the thing about Infertility. It doesn't discriminate and it has a way of making you feel ashamed, isolated and guilty for something you have no control over. 

I have to learn to forgive myself for the guilt and forgive my body because, for some reason things aren't working like they should or use to and it's okay to ask for help. It's okay to receive that help, no matter what part of your infertility journey you or your partner are on. 

From the beginning

Here is a quick rundown of our life and what has lead us here today. For more in depth look, Subscribe to my YouTube Channel @Midwest Birth 

How did we meet? 

David and I met through mutual friends at a party. I was 18 and he was 23 at the time. We have literally spent everyday together since! He truly is my best friend, my rock and my biggest supporter. Our love seems to grow stronger everyday and there is no one else I would rather go through life with than him. 

How were my pregnancies with D & S? Dallas' pregnancy was very complicated. I have an incompetent cervix which basically means that my cervix cannot support the weight of a pregnancy and begins to dilate before viability (compatible with life outside the womb 24 weeks) I had a rescue cerclage placed at 19 weeks. Preterm premature rupture of membranes (PPROM - Waters broke) at 27.5 weeks and Dallas was born at 30 weeks on 03/22/2012. In 2013 I had a Transabdominal Cerclage (TAC - permanent cerclage) placed by the famous Dr. Haney in Chicago IL. 

Sophia's pregnancy was very healthy. I actually felt the best physically during my pregnancy with her but emotionally I struggled with antenatal anxiety and I believe that is what caused my body to have preterm contractions at 28 weeks. My body just became tired from being on overdrive all the time. Sophia was born at 39 weeks on 12/04/2015. 

How many miscarriages? 

Sadly 5, including a ruptured ectopic pregnancy and 14 week loss. 

What is our infertility diagnosis? 

It's a combination of a lot of things that fit into a bigger picture. I have PCOS, Post-surgical hypothyroidism and only one fallopian tube. There is also a speculation that Dave or I are carriers of a genetic issue that could cause miscarriages. Though our insurance will not cover the very expensive testing to be done so that we know exactly what if anything. 

Why In-Vitro Fertilization (IVF) ? 

It may be crazy to some because we have two blessing, Why go through IVF? in short, if you haven't been in our shoes you may not understand. This isn't to say we aren't grateful because God knows that we are and we are incredibly blessed. We have lost and gained so much. We want to give it one more try or maybe two, To grow our family bigger. We have tried all the things and IVF and adoption are our only options at this point to welcome a new bundle into our family again.